Hospitals

When all is said and done, I really don't mind hospitals. The people there are usually friendly, I don't mind the food, they try to make it a pleasant atmosphere, people try to help you out as much as possible (even though they are frequently overwhelmed in our wonderful health care system) and I usually feel better by the time I leave. I have noticed, however, that going for yourself is completely different than going in for a child.

Tomorrow at 7am, Jaymeson has his surgery. I have been anxious for this day so that I can not worry about this hernia anymore, but now that tomorrow is so close, I'm feeling anxious for a whole different reason. This is my sweet little baby and, although this is a common surgery, I have to leave his life in someone's hands who I do not know at all. Dr Lees is supposed to be the best pediatric surgeon in Edmonton. He has low risk of post-surgery complications and infections and a very high success rate. I take great comfort in this, but he will never care as much for my baby as I do and I just don't trust people enough. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed and emotional thinking about it. To many "what if"'s go through my head and I feel worried. This is considered a major surgery because they are opening his stomach and his innards will be exposed. If he was an adult he would be in the hospital for days, but because babies are so resilient, he'll be in only one night. I guess it's just the unknown that scares me. I just don't know what to expect.

I have only had an experience like this once before when Kienna had ear tubes put in. It was an outpatient surgery and it was hard enough to have my helpless little baby go in where I couldn't see her and have them bring her back to me an hour later, still asleep, but changed. That was nothing compared to what this will be. There was no recovery time and I didn't have to stay overnight. I don't know if I'm ready to handle this. I'm probably overreacting and really have nothing to worry about....but it's always hard to have things out of your hands.

I guess this is a long rant (that hopefully makes sense) to ask for your prayers and support over the next couple days. I could really use the support. Wish us luck!


PS - As I was writing this, the kids were watching the Prince of Egypt. It was the part where the mother sings that heart-wrenching song to Moses as she puts him in the Nile. We have seen this a hundred times, but this time it must have hit Kienna harder...perhaps because she was holding Jaymeson at the time. She said to me, "Mom, she shouldn't put her baby in the water, why would she do that?" I told her that it was because it was the only way he could be safe. If she kept him, the soldiers would kill him. She looked at me, got choked up and had tears in her eyes while she said (with her voice cracking), "Mom, if you put Jaymeson in the water and gave him away, I would be SO sad". It was such a special moment for me to see how much she loves her baby brother, and also to see her internalizing a special scripture story. What a sacrifice that mother made by sending her new baby to a place that she didn't even know. What faith she had. Maybe I just need that kind of faith.