Deep? Thoughts

With a newborn, it's rare to not feel tired and exhausted.  In fact, it's pretty much a constant state of being.  That being said, all of my kids and husband are asleep - and here I am, lying in bed, wide awake.  Why?  I'm thinking. 

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my thoughts, but something along the lines of Garth Brooks' song "if tomorrow never comes" keeps playing through my mind.  

Am I spending enough quality time with each of my kids?  

Do they know how much I love them?

If I died, how would they remember me?

If they died, how could I possibly function in life?  (I can't even think this one through)

What principles and values would they remember that I've taught them?

What dreams would they live out?

Who would take care of them?

Who would love them enough? Kiss them enough?  Push them enough?  Know them as much as they need?

Would they know how much I want for them?  What I'd give to make it happen? How much potential I know they have?

Would they know that I'd be watching from above cheering them on and loving them?

I think I could torture myself with these thoughts all night.  I think most moms have.  I think that having a newborn has made me remember how fragile life is - and it's made me so grateful for the one I have!  I'm grateful that I have a day at a time to work on improving myself to be a better mom/wife/woman.  I'm determined to seize the day and start each day a better person.  I need my kids to know that I love them by every action, word and thought I can give them.  I need them to see what I value in life.  Them.  Family.  The Gospel.  Friends.  Hard work.  Music.  Freedom.

Here's to another day.  And, hopefully, a better 'me' to go with it!