Slight difference

Lanaya is now as big as Saryn was at birth.  It's amazing how very different each child is right from birth.  Size, shape, personality, the works!  Love all six of these special beings!!

Surrounded by Love

Little miss Lanaya (or Lalaya or Leia) gets a lot of love and attention around here.  This is a big part of our morning routine these days.

Lanaya Stiles Cahoon

(Note:  This was written in the hospital, finished on June 11, 2014.  I wanted to wait until I had some pictures to go with it before posting.)

This last year has sure taken us on a ride.  One year ago, I was 100% sure we were done having kids and adding to our family.  Although I wasn’t too happy about it, it felt like it was the responsible thing to do.  I had quite a scare with Benson and his whole delivery, it made me realize in a very real way that I could have died and/or lost a baby.  When thinking about this, I just couldn’t bring myself to feel like I could have another one.  One day, however, it all changed.  

 As soon as I confirmed that I was pregnant, I started to worry about everything.  It really was a weird flip for us as I was feeling panicky and Jarett was totally calm.  He usually is worried from the second I tell him we’re having a baby until the baby is born and all is well.  This time I felt so concerned and he simply said, “It has to be Heavenly Father’s hand in this, so it’s His will and it will be okay”.  That perspective kept me in line for the remainder of the pregnancy and it was of great comfort to me.

The pregnancy wasn’t a particularly easy one.  I don’t usually get sick to my stomach, so I am very fortunate in comparison to other women, but I was nauseated for the first 3 months straight and lost about 8 pounds.  I wanted to throw up constantly.   This was especially difficult because we didn’t tell the kids until just before Christmas.  We didn’t want them to know until we knew everything was okay via Ultrasound.  It was hard to feel so crummy and not have them know why.

The Ultrasounds all went well.  I met up with my OB and she walked me through all the appointments that we’d be having etc.  I knew I was in good hands, but I also knew (without a doubt – and felt happy about the decision) that we were going to be done after this one.  She was a surprise, but it was a gift from my Heavenly Father letting me have that wish of my heart that I would’ve have been able to do on my own.

I knew that things would be higher risk and they sure were, but Dr Heather Edwards knew what was going on and has taken excellent care of me.  I was set up for a scheduled C-section at 38 weeks immediately along with a pre-op anesthetic screening.  There were also a few ultrasounds and a fair bit of blood work.  She was measuring quite large for her gestational age, but otherwise, her health was just smooth sailing.  There were some worries about my anterior placenta (as to whether it would be in the way of surgery and also whether it would be close to my previous C-section scars and cause a problem that way) but everything moved where it was supposed to and everything has gone well.

I did have a ridiculous amount of Heartburn this time around. Couldn’t go anywhere without my tums!  The biggest frustration, however, which really put me out was my pelvis.  This has been the case for most of my pregnancies, but hit a new level this time.

I started doing physiotherapy as soon as I could and I kept my hips as fine-tuned as I could, but by the end, my leg was falling out of the socket, my whole pelvis was rotating and my sacrum was collapsing into my pelvis.  By the end of each day, I couldn’t really move.  Jarett has been a DREAM.  He has come home from a hard day at work and not only made dinner, but cleaned it up and put the kids to bed.  He has put me to bed while he tidies up the house and has rubbed my feet, gotten me tums and done anything he possibly can to try and keep me comfortable.  It has been (in it’s non-traditional way) very romantic.  I have fallen in love with him all over again (as embarrassing as it is at times) as he has literally served me hand and foot and seen to my every need.  He has shown so much concern with every contraction or pain I felt.  Man, I married a GOOD man!

~The happenings of June 9^th, 2014~

Things go as planned!  We get to the hospital at the designated time.. . kids all slept at my mom’s the night before.  We were admitted, had lab work done, got the IV going and went into the OR at about 8.  They prepped me there, gave me a spinal tap and had me on the table before letting Jarett in.  Shortly after he came in, they were ready to go.  I had been told that I would feel touch, but not pain.  I was prepared for that.  Shortly after they started, however, I felt pain.  The resident anesthesiologist asked gently if I could use anything and then gently guided a nurse to go grab some Fentinol.  In the meantime, I may have broken Jarett’s hand with the amount of squeezing involved.  ;)  Once I got my Fentinol, things went well.  I actually fell asleep for a minute and missed the actual delivery, but heard her sweet cry and fell in love before I even saw her.  My bitter disappointment was strictly that I couldn’t hold her yet and I had a hard time really seeing her.

After I was stitched up and in recovery, I got to hold her and love her to bits.  She is so beautiful, has a fair bit of blonde hair and LOVES a good swaddle and a soother.  We learned this the hard way on her first night.  She had been an angel all day, never even a peep.  We had the kids come visit with Granni and Bucey.  We had Aunty Kimmy come and Gran, Grandpa and Granny Jubber came while Kim was still here.  Through all this, our new little princess was as good as gold and didn’t fuss at all.  As soon as I decided to go to bed, she woke up and didn’t stop screaming until 6am (unless she was nursing – which meant I didn’t rest much at all.  She was really congested and had some gas… so after they were able to clear her nose and after she had a few dirty diapers, she’s back to being a pretty good little baby.

One little problem, however, remained.  Her name.  Names are usually extremely difficult for Jarett and I.  We just don’t really see eye to eye on them – especially for girls.  Jarett likes names that are WAY out there and I like names that are recognizable, rememberable and readable… but still unique.  We have not felt settled on a name for this whole pregnancy.  We went through so many names… seriously.  Two finalists were Ally and Leia.  I was thrilled to have made a shortlist (although we still had no idea what to do for a middle name).  Both of us didn’t feel settled enough with Ally or Leia and therefore went back and forth on them.  Then, I heard that Jarett’s cousin Kennedy had a baby girl and had named her Lanaya.  This was a name that we had both loved when we had Saryn, but just didn’t feel settled about it for Saryn.  I fell in love with it all over again and it felt perfect… except that we had a relative with the same name now.  Luckily, it was a distant enough relative that Jarett was okay with it – AND his cousin, Kennedy, was fine with us using it too.  We both were excited about it, but the middle name was hard.  We both have really tried to use names of people we have known and admired., people who have fought the fight and endured.  There were a few options we thought about, but either didn’t like how it worked with the last name or we worried about offending someone etc.  Jarett had a thought a few weeks back to see who Reynolds Cahoon’s wife was.  Reynolds was a good friend of the prophet, Joseph Smith and is in the Doctrine and Covenants a few times.  Jarett is a direct descendent of his, so he thought this could be cool.  We hadn’t checked it out, but he felt like maybe we should again.  Thanks to Family Search online, we looked it up.  Thirza Stiles.  Thirza.  Ugh.  Not a great name.  Jarett suggests Stiles and it seems to work for me, but we didn’t know anything about her.  Who was she?  No problem.  Just a little look online and we find a biography.  She had 7 kids, one of which was named Mahonri Moriancumr by the prophet as a revelation of the name of the brother of Jared.  She also was the mother of William Farrington Cahoon (whose line we are descended from as well), who went on Zion’s Camp, was a member of the first quorum of the 70, whose marriage was the first marriage in the church and who served multiple missions.  Thirza was one of the first 26 members of the Relief Society, put on the wedding for William Farrington (feeding over 3000 people) and was one of the pioneers that travelled with Brigham Young to Winter Quarters and then to Salt Lake City.  She seemed to pass the test.  We knew we had a middle name.  Our little girl was Lanaya Stiles.

Some other hiccups in the last couple of days have been my hematocrit and my eyes.  My hematocrit is lower than they’d like, but still not as bad as after I had Benson.  I don’t think I’ll end up having a transfusion.  Bleeding has slowed down and iron pills have been increased.  I think my numbers will too.  The eye thing is weird though.  On May 5, I was eating lunch and suddenly half of my lunch looked blurry.  It felt like I had just had a huge flash of light in my eyes and I couldn’t really see (when my eyes were open or closed).  Troy, my brother-in-law, told me that this is a huge sign of pre-eclampsia and to go to the hospital.  They tested my blood pressure and my urine.  Both were good to go, so I was sent home.  I told Dr Edwards about this later and she said that eyes do weird things due to hormones, but her concerns were that if it WASN’T hormones it could be mini-strokes at the back of my eyes OR one of my retinas could be detaching.  She had seen these both in pregnancy before.  I was told that if it reoccurred, to go to the hospital and suggest these options as well.  It did continue happening, but would always clear up after half an hour or so.  Anyway, now that she’s born, I thought that would be over with, but now my eyes are acting up again (predominantly my left) and so I’m hoping to see an opthomologist before I head home from the hospital.  (Dr Edwards ruled out the mini-strokes because I’m taking Heprin shots daily).

Anyway, that’s where I am at this point.  I’m just waiting to see if my hematocrit is behaving and if I can see an opthomologist sometime today.  It’s actually quite difficult to see the computer screen as I type this.  There’s a weird light shaped rainbow blocking my vision.

I hope that over the next few weeks I’ll have recovered quickly.  This C-section has been a tender recovery.  Hopefully healing thoughts and being able to take it easy will be frequent.  This little princess is sure worth it either way!

Update:  Eye thing and hematocrit worked out just fine. All is well!

Lanaya is blessed and Kienna is 10!

Surrounded by many family and friends we celebrated Kienna's 10th birthday and Lanaya had her baby blessing.  We also were able to go to my niece, Kindred's baptism.  What a great day!

A facebook thought

I had a special moment watching Kaia want to express thanks to a friend.  She wrote up a letter, found some great quotes and has been begging me to make cookies to take over to her.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for a daughter who truly cares for others.  I thought for a while about why I can't always feel this way and then I posted the following on facebook.  I really do believe this is true!

I think as a mom, we doubt ourselves, see our own weaknesses, see our kids troubles/weaknesses and blame ourselves so much that we really need to take a moment, step back and look at the incredible beings that they are becoming while struggling through life. I have found that when I focus on those moments, when I'm really proud of my kids, it makes me feel like I'm doing something that has made some sort of a difference. It makes me have hope, patience, and it wards off discouragement so much that I find it easier to stay calm through those more frustrating parts of motherhood. I'm pretty sure most mothers doubt themselves when they probably have a ton of other mothers looking up to them wondering how they keep it all together. We need to be less hard on ourselves!

Deep? Thoughts

With a newborn, it's rare to not feel tired and exhausted.  In fact, it's pretty much a constant state of being.  That being said, all of my kids and husband are asleep - and here I am, lying in bed, wide awake.  Why?  I'm thinking. 

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my thoughts, but something along the lines of Garth Brooks' song "if tomorrow never comes" keeps playing through my mind.  

Am I spending enough quality time with each of my kids?  

Do they know how much I love them?

If I died, how would they remember me?

If they died, how could I possibly function in life?  (I can't even think this one through)

What principles and values would they remember that I've taught them?

What dreams would they live out?

Who would take care of them?

Who would love them enough? Kiss them enough?  Push them enough?  Know them as much as they need?

Would they know how much I want for them?  What I'd give to make it happen? How much potential I know they have?

Would they know that I'd be watching from above cheering them on and loving them?

I think I could torture myself with these thoughts all night.  I think most moms have.  I think that having a newborn has made me remember how fragile life is - and it's made me so grateful for the one I have!  I'm grateful that I have a day at a time to work on improving myself to be a better mom/wife/woman.  I'm determined to seize the day and start each day a better person.  I need my kids to know that I love them by every action, word and thought I can give them.  I need them to see what I value in life.  Them.  Family.  The Gospel.  Friends.  Hard work.  Music.  Freedom.

Here's to another day.  And, hopefully, a better 'me' to go with it!

Snuggles

As I was getting Lanaya settled tonight, I heard Benson cry.  I went in and found him on the floor upset about a dream.  He have me a big hug and settled down and then asked for some water.  We went to get some together, and then went back to bed.  

He said, "Mommy, I want nuggles". 

"You want me to snuggle you for a minute?"

"For lots of minutes!"

This boy takes after his mom... How do you say no to that?  I layed down next to him and he wrapped his arms around my neck super tight and we had a special snuggle I could never forget.  He's such a special little boy.  I just love him to pieces.

 I wish I had the time to snuggle all my kids every night - for lots and lots of minutes.

One thing I've loved about having a newborn again - it makes you have to take the time to sit and snuggle.  I've loved snuggling this precious baby.  I just want to drink in every second I have her in my arms because I've learned all too well that it goes too fast.  What a special gift I've been given!  I hope to never forget...

Boys Bedtime

Most kids thrive on a consistent schedule/routine at bedtime.  My boys have NOT had that with the whole pregnancy/new baby/post c-section/family reunion and general goings on.  Tonight, however, I put them to bed on my own again.  It made me laugh that they so quickly remember and want to go back to the silly traditions that we had a few weeks ago.

We, of course, get in jammies, brush teeth, go potty and say prayers.  Books are read and then I tuck them in.  For many a year, I would then give them a kiss, say "I love you boys!! Have a good night!" And then leave.  The kiss has grown, however, into two kisses.  Then "Eskimo kisses" (nose rub)... then two.  Of course, we had to have two hugs too...

Then I may have added a couple little spankings - just for fun.  

The boys specified that tonight they needed the whole thing.  Two hugs, two kisses, two Eskimo kisses and two spanks.  Twice.

This might end up being a VERY long ritual by the time we stop adding things on.