My Mother's Day Talk

What a great mother's day!  I got to wake up at 8, work on my talk without interruption, have breakfast, literally brought to me on a silver platter.  Of course, it was in the form of a cookie sheet covered in tinfoil.  But it was better than silver because the tinfoil was covered with pictures that my kids drew on the tinfoil for me (I may have packed the paper a little too soon).  I enjoyed the breakfast (while going over the details of my talk), got ready for church along with the five little ones (while giving Jarett some time to touch his up), had some Dandelions picked for me and now we’re here!

Until Friday night, I had no idea what I would talk to you sisters about today.  Let me assure you, it had nothing to do with wanting to procrastinate like it normally would.  Over the past few weeks I have agonized over what to say to you. There are so many women in SO many situations here, yet you ALL women whom I look up to and admire in many, MANY ways.

I spent Friday in, quite possibly, the best way that I could have.  I went to Lethbridge to honor possibly the most incredible woman on earth.  My Grandmother turned 85 and we went to celebrate.  There, I spent the day with my mother, who I know would sacrifice the world for me in a heartbeat – no questions asked.  I spent the day with one of my 5 sisters, whom I admire so deeply (despite her being 6 years younger than me).  I spent the day with my Great Aunt, who has never been married, or had children of her own, but has been a mother figure for me because of her incredible love and sacrifice.  I spent the day with my Aunt, who somehow raised 6 children without ever raising her voice (I still don’t know if I fully believe this is possible, but I certainly haven’t ever heard it, and neither have any of her kids).  And last, but not least, I was surrounded by some of my cousins, who really are more like sisters to me, who are raising their families the best they can, and trying their hardest to make it all work.  We were able to sit and talk about motherhood and voice concerns, brainstorm, reflect and love each other.  It was such a fantastic day to be surrounded by so much love, support and people with the same standards.  After a day like that, I came home and it hit me (just before 1am), that I wanted to share this message with you sisters.  I wanted to each of you to know that I admire, love and care for each of you.  As I thought about all you sisters in the ward, I thought of some who are mothers to many children, sisters who have suffered great loss, sisters raising kids on their own, sisters who are dealing with children with handicaps and health concerns.  There are sisters who ache to be married and have kids.  There are sisters who have a hard time becoming mothers physically.  There are mothers who feel (for one reason or another) like they have failed at motherhood.  There is a lot going on out there.  But, I also see sisters who come to church smiling, despite it all.  I see strength that I have rarely seen elsewhere.  I see a sisterhood where you can feel safe, accepted and loved no matter what.  I have found so many “real” people here in this ward, people who I have instantly felt this closeness with. 

I have known some of you for longer than I remember, and some as recently as a couple weeks ago!  And there are a few that I only know your names, but I anxiously want to get to know you.  I know that many of you (being the supportive people you are) loved listening to the Layton’s inspiring story of training and completing an ironman, I particularly liked a quote that I found in a book called “I am a Mother”.

“I have a friend who often refers to mothering as ‘The Ironman of Living.’ Exactly!!  We go into motherhood expecting that it will require some strength then we find ourselves in it and realize we’re completely out of breath – with miles left to go.  Indeed, motherhood is an extraordinary test of endurance and strength, some days requiring that we sprint, and other days asking us to swim uphill against the current.”

What an accurate depiction of how motherhood feels some days.  As I am a busy mother, like many of you, I hadn’t really had time to sit down and study what I was going to say today.   I was asked to give this talk THREE WEEKS AGO, and still hadn’t been able to sit down and read.  I had been thinking a LOT about what to say and just couldn’t quite come up with how to say it or what aspect of motherhood to talk about.  I thought that if I could just read some talks by general authories, or read this book that I had read long ago, but had forgotten much of, I could materialize some things, but I just hadn’t had the time by myself to focus.  This week has been an extra busy one.  Between packing up to move in a couple weeks, home schooling, filling in for my sister at a studio in Okotoks for five and a half hours, and getting my students prepared to write their Theory Exams yesterday, I literally hadn’t had any time to myself and had just crashed in bed every night completely exhausted.  Wednesday night came with the same feeling when I realized that I will NEVER be able to work on this talk without the Lord’s help.  I said a prayer that I would be able to wake up early and be alert (which is possibly one of the biggest miracles ever – I LOVE my sleep) so that I could have some time without the kids to really be focused.  Of course, Heavenly Father answers prayers and this time, it was in the form of Benson crying out at 5:30 in the morning.  It was all I needed to drag me out of bed.  I said a quick prayer of thanks admiring how much He really knows each of us.  He knew exactly what I needed to have happen to get out of bed.  I stumbled in the room to change a diaper, give him some water, and miraculously, he went right back to sleep without any of the other kids waking up.  I literally had TWO WHOLE HOURS to myself to read, take notes and think about motherhood.  I’m telling you, He answers prayers!!  I know that many of you sisters have had weeks like this.  You just can’t continue without divine intervention.  I know that sometimes sheer exhaustion takes over and if you possibly could, you would just pull the covers up over your head and pray that no one else wakes up until tomorrow.  This attitude is perhaps not that best one, but I can know that I’m not alone.  Jeffrey R Holland spoke to mothers, and quite frankly, made me feel a lot better about it all.

“In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers.” Which most of us in this ward are!  “The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.”

A couple Sundays ago was a rough one for me, and that morning found me in tears.  I was reflecting on myself as a mother and feeling all the ways that I was falling short.  I was worrying about my kids and who they would become.  All the things that I wasn’t doing right were falling on my lap and I just didn’t know what to do.  I was sure that I was going to mess them up for good.  Suddenly, the phone rang.  I didn’t even answer it, but one of my kids did and brought it to me.  Thank heaven she did, because it was my mom.  She doesn’t usually make a habit of calling on Sunday morning, but she was in Arizona and just “felt like checking in”.  I was able to talk to her for over half an hour about my concerns.  Whether she realizes it or not, my Mom gave me so much strength that day.  Because she has been there, because she loves me and my kids as only a mother can, she shared my concerns, she showed me love, she lifted me up and made me be able to re-group and feel like I could be a stronger person because of it.  This is what we women can do for each other!  We were giving the responsibility or motherhood because we are nurturers.  It is in our genetic makeup.  We were this way before we were born.  We are here to take care of others!!  Now, in those situations, it’s not always the case that your mother will call you at the perfect time and say the perfect things, but you CAN put this quote by Jeffrey R Holland up on your wall and read it daily if you like.  I can’t imagine a better thing to have as a constant reminder.

“It is clear that some of those Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you.  You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.”

What more do we need?  How much more could we be promised?  I know from experience that when He blesses you, as often as not, it comes from the hands of someone else.  We need to remember to turn to each other for help and support.  Even if we can’t fully understand each other, we ALL know what it is like to just need a shoulder to lean on.

I remember Marjorie Pay Hinckley (whom we all love) saying, “Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young. And, hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. It is a sociological fact that women need women. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other.”

Ann Quindlen alluded to this as well when she said, “The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which two women can admit [how difficult motherhood is] quietly to eachother, over cup of [herbal] tea at a table sticky with spilled apple juice and littered with markers without tops”. 

What a perfect picture this paints!  Jane Clayson Johnson said, “The sanctity of motherhood can be hard to appreciate when you spend endless hours making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, singing along with Elmo, helping create elaborate science projects, or enforcing late-night curfews.  Many in the world will shout that motherhood is full of small, mundane tasks.  And certainly, if you look only on the surface, this is true.  But underneath all of the secondary things mothers do – cook, clean, read, chauffeur, nurse and so on – is a mother’s real occupation and, I believe, the definition of true success.”

She continues, “Many of us don’t remember often enough that we are daughters of God, doing his work.  An astute seven-year-old – a true princess in training – told her mom, “Snow White was still pretty in rags.”

Sometimes the monotony of motherhood catches up with us and we forget who we are underneath.  We teach our daughters, our primary children, our young women that they are daughters of God.  We remind them constantly, but sometimes we forget that it means us too!

In a world where things are measured by money and recognition, motherhood frequently takes a back burner.  It’s not recognized as a high and noble profession.  In fact, by many, it’s not really recognized as a profession at all.  As silly as I feel quoting Oprah over the pulpit, I was surprised to read this inspired quote by her.

 

“In our society, we give motherhood plenty of lip service.  We pat moms on the head, bring them flowers on Mother’s Day, and honor them before crowds.  But at the end of the day, we don’t extend them the same respect we would a professor, a dentist, an accountant, or a judge.
 

“I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is.  To create an environment that’s stimulating and nurturing, to pass on a sense of responsibility to another human being, to raise a child who understands that he or she is created from good and is capable of anything – I know for sure that few callings are more honorable.  To play down mothering as small is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands.”

Other great people have said similar things.  Barbara Bush said, “Your success as a family…. Our success as a nation… depends not on what happens inside the White House, but on what happens inside your house.”

Napoleon Bonaparte had the same idea, “Let France have good Mothers, and she will have good sons.”

I believe this is so true.  Neal A Maxwell confirms this when he asks, “When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies?  The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods?  Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?”

My favorite quote EVER, is the one that Margaret Nadauld’s gave in general conference.  It is a quote that has forever been imbedded on my mind.  “Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

You sisters in the ward, I have felt as though I need to express my love to each of you.  I feel as though I have found a group of women who are trying their very best to be the women that we have been asked to be.  I am so grateful for those women who work so hard to make other’s lives easier.  I have never met so many people that are SO ready to serve.  I have felt your love through your smiles, your testimonies and your genuine natures.  I have felt that you are women truly trying to live up to President Hinckley’s challenge to be the Very Best you can be.  What an honor it has been to be in your company.   I will miss you all!