Late Night Musings...

I have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed these days.  I'm fairly sure that has been somewhat apparent in my writing.  I have been completely sleep deprived, exhausted and completely unable to find energy ANYwhere in my body.  I've been trying to keep 5 kids in order and trying to keep an immaculate house.  I, also, have been trying to get some projects done, have 1 on 1 times with the kids, keep a balanced budget, learn more about photography, keep on top of violin lessons, teach piano lessons, get the groceries bought, make dinner, read good books, teach my kids to read, write, do math, identify colours and sit up.  I've also been trying to support a husband who is going through a lot of stress in this year of preparation to be admitted to the bar.  The biggest thing, however, that I have felt lacking in my life is a chance to sit down and read scriptures, pray or contemplate spiritual things.  I miss the days of Seminary and Institute where I could go and get daily insight that I could document and reflect on.  Going to church is always wonderful, but with 5 kids in tow (and a nursing baby), I really don't get as much out of it as I wish I could.  These days, it seems rare when I actually get a chance to really study scriptures at all.  I really could go on and on about how overwhelmed I feel some days, how I just can't seem to pull it all off - and admittedly, some things just suffer.  Quite frankly, I've been so lacking in energy, that a lot of things have been suffering as of late.

So tonight, I had the house perfectly clean (as we were showing our house this afternoon), we had dinner at Manya's (after violin and before the school play), so I had no mess to clean up.  The kids all went to bed quickly and quietly and, although Jarett is away tonight, I've been enjoying the silence.  I admit that I instinctively reached for Harry Potter to relax and enjoy the night when I decided that I'd read a talk from the Ensign instead.  I went onto lds.org and found a talk that called out to me.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  I suddenly feel like I can do this.  I feel like I have the power to do anything because I am not alone.... and here's why.

Elder Holland addresses Mothers in a beautiful talk called "Because She Is a Mother".  If I may, I'd like to share a few quotes that really made me feel empowered (or at least understood).  I would recommend you reading the whole talk, however, because it's just too good to pass up!

"In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Husbands—especially husbands—as well as Church leaders and friends in every direction, be helpful and sensitive and wise. Remember, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” <sup>6 

"</sup>In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you.

"Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be” ⁹ and that there would be joy. Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.

"Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” ¹¹ You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” ¹² And it will make your children whole as well."

How blessed we are to have living prophets who know what we need to hear and understand what we are going through.  I am so grateful that I stumbled across this talk today.  I know that many of my friends out there also have days of the "crazies" with their kids after many a long, sleepless night.  I wanted to share this with you - so that you know you are not alone.  Not just because I say it - but because an apostle does.