Our Front Porch Looking In: August 2012

Of course, it's hard to beat a 3-year-old in the "quote of the day" competition... so Jaymeson seems to be quoted more than anyone else. Yesterday's quote went as follows:

"Mommy, what are you doing?"
"Putting on make-up"
"Why?"
"So I can look beautiful"
"Oh!"
"So, do I look beautiful?"
"Um, not yet. Only when you get finished."

Serves me right for looking for a compliment. On the other hand, he walks around throughout the day telling me that he loves me, or loves my room, or something at least 30 times a day. The day before yesterday, I finished my tea apron that I've been working on. He noticed!! (He'll be a great husband one day). That conversation went as follows:

"Mommy, did you make that?"
"Yes, I did!"
"Mommy, that's AMAZING!! It looks so AWESOME!"

Yeah, I'll keep him!

I got this article from my old piano teacher just today. I read it and think it is SO true. Read if you like... don't if you don't... but this is SO true if you are considering music lessons of any sort. So, without further ado:

The Truth About Piano Lessons

A piano teacher looks at what it takes to succeed in music, why
parents should care, and what they can do to help their kids.

To piano teachers: You also have permission to print it and hand it out, as long as
my name and the blog address are visible. Thank you for respecting my
copyright. Karen Berger.
http://musicalresources.blogspot.ca/2011/07/truth-about-piano-lessons.html

Dear Piano Parents:

You're probably getting mailings right now about fall activities for your kids.
The soccer coach wants to know if you're doing traveling team, the Little
League coach is scheduling practices, the dance teacher is putting her
classes together. And you're wondering about piano lessons for little
Johnny or Suzie.

You want to know how much Johnny will be expected to practice. You want
to know if Suzie can just "try it out" and see if it's "fun." You need to know
what kind of instrument I expect you to have. You want to know if you can
come whenever it's convenient, and whether I'll be flexible regarding
hockey games, ski Fridays, school dances, ice-skating parties, holidays,
and play dates.You want to know if I'm "reasonable" by which I think you
mean: Can I change my schedule to suit yours, and am I a stickler for daily
practice because Suzie has so much else on her plate and "things are
crazy around here."

It doesn't usually occur to you to ask what you can do as a parent to help
your child with music lessons, but that's something you're going to have to
know, too.

I'm in a difficult position as a piano teacher because I'm afraid of telling you
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I'm afraid because the
unvarnished truth is not what you are probably going to want to hear if you
are like the majority of my piano parents, and when people don't like what
they hear, they tend to bail out. You may go to another teacher (which is

fine: Everyone deserves the teacher they are most compatible with). But
I'm afraid you may bail on music lessons all together.

Because the truth about learning to play the piano scares people. That's
the last thing I want to do.

Benefits of Music Education

We all know the benefits of music education: the improved test scores, the
correlation with less drug and alcohol abuse, the benefits of learning to be
part of an ensemble and stick with a challenge. Music is one of the most
powerful expressive forms we have in our lives. How powerful? Playing
music (not just listening to it) is used to treat neurological problems, to heal
people who have had strokes, to slow down the progression of Alzheimer's
and Parkinson's diseases.

Musician's brains -- as measured by MRIs -- actually work differently than
the brains of non-musicians. We (musicians) develop pathways that you
don't, which help us make other connections. The ability to play an
instrument, particularly a complex instrument like piano, has been linked to
less dementia in old age, better cognitive skills, and faster healing from
traumatic brain injuries.

Not to mention the sheer joy of it. How many adults do you know who say "I
wish my mother hadn't let me quit." You may be one of them.

So if I scare you (and your child) away, I'm doing you a huge disservice on
many levels.

Learning Piano and Modern Parenting Trends: Not an Easy Fit

The problem is that learning to play piano isn't easy, and what it requires
flies in the face of current parenting trends. You know the trends I'm talking
about: The ones that have you driving 500 miles a week to ball games,
play dates and the like. I had a student once who showed up for piano
wearing his karate uniform, after eating dinner in a moving car; after piano
lessons, he was headed for night skiing. No wonder this little 6 year old
vomited at the piano. I felt nauseated just listening to his schedule.

Look, the truth is that your kid can't be a black belt in karate and a ski racer
and a soccer player and a pianist and an "A" student and a dancer and in
the school play. Kids want to try everything, parents panic if they think they
are missing the next new thing. You can go broad or you can go deep;
that's your choice. But you need to know that learning to play piano takes
place in the deep end of the ocean.

The Process (and Practice) of Learning to Play Piano

Playing piano also takes a kind of concentration children are rarely
exposed to anymore. If you're one of those parents who wants to protect
your child from frustration, you have got to come to terms with the demands
of the big black beast, because learning to play the piano is all about
overcoming frustration. It's about thinking through problems, breaking them
down, solving them one step at a time, figuring things out, finding creative
new ways to approach a challenge, putting the pieces back together and
trying again and again and again. Piano lessons are life lessons. There's a
reason music students score higher in math. But music isn't easy.

You're not going to want to hear the truth because it takes a lot more effort
to get your kid to practice than it does to get her to brush her teeth, and
YOU are going to have to put that effort in every day for the next four years
before she even has a chance of playing "Fur Elise" or "The Entertainer."
Even the most enthusiastic student is not going to want to practice every
day (and yes, every day is recommended). Or practice enough. Or practice
correctly. If you're the kind of parent who calls your kid "buddy" and "pal"
and "girlfriend" and doesn't want to be the "bad guy," you're in for a rough
road as far as piano is concerned.

You may think that Suzie has talent and will follow in the footsteps of Uncle
George, who just sat down at the piano and started playing jazz standards.
But I can guarantee that's not how it happened for Uncle George, and it's
not going to happen that way for Suzie, either. Family myth
notwithstanding, Uncle George had solitary time with the instrument,
whether formally instructed or not, whether playing by ear or by notes. He
wrestled with the big black beast -- same as your child is going to have to
do.

You want to know if Suzie can just "try it out" and the answer is sure: It's
your money, and I can't stop you from taking a few lessons and quitting. But

I can promise that if you're not committed going in, you're not going to stick
around. Suzie might enjoy her lessons, but at home, she's going to have to
put her thinking cap on and wrestle with note reading and trying to
remember where Middle C is and how to count and which finger is number
1 and which finger is number 2. Sure, some kids find this early part fun,
and if they do, you're in luck. But I'll be honest: Many don't.

What You Can Do To Help A Child Learn Music

And do you have idea how long a half an hour's practice time is for a 7 year
old? An eternity. You may have to help, and ideally, this means paying
attention during a young child's lesson, taking notes, listening to how I tell
them to practice and then making sure that they do it. It may even mean
learning to read a few notes yourself (Yes, you can, and yes I will teach
you, but you may have to work at it. Not every adult gets it on the first try.
You need to be willing to brush off YOUR thinking cap, too). You don't have
to learn to actually play the piano, but I do expect you do be able to read a
book aimed at a second-grader and figure out enough music reading so
you can help them between lessons.

And then there's the whole buying a piano thing. It's an entirely different
issue, and I've written an article about choosing between electric and
acoustic pianos. Teachers do differ, so you'll need to listen carefully to their
reasoning. But the more pleasurable an instrument is to play, the more a
child will want to play it. And they DO hear and feel the difference.

Good News About Music Lessons

It's sounding daunting, doesn't it? Why not just cross it off the list and move
on to soccer? Because a) You don't want your adult child joining the chorus
of people blaming their parents for letting them quit music and b) Because
it's good for them in so many ways: creativity, self-expression, working with
others, mental health, good work habits, problem solving, cognitive
development, neurological health, and the simple appreciation of art and
beauty. (I'll be writing more articles on the benefits of music education and
links to studies showing these benefits in the upcoming weeks, so check
back here.)

And let me give you some (more) good news.

Just about any kid can learn to play the piano. Some may take to it more
easily than others; some may race ahead; some may lag behind. Some
may read quickly, others may be aurally gifted, or able to move their fingers
quickly and naturally. But it really does boil down to practice. Don't give
your kid the easy out of saying "Well of course Annie is playing better than
you; she's very talented." In the long run, talent helps, but it's not about
talent: It's about DOING IT And yes, there have been studies on this, too.

I'm not asking for miracles here: Most kids who practice in a focused
way for 1/2 an hour most days of the week will learn to play well
enough to enjoy participating in music in a meaningful way. It may,
however, take 4 to 8 years, depending on goals, talent, and practice
habits, before a student turns into a musician. When it happens, it's like
watching the tulips bloom in spring.

The bottom line: by giving your child music lessons, you are giving them a
lifelong gift.

Music IS joyful, it isn't always fun. Learn to know the difference -- then
teach your children well.

Posted by Karen Berger