"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." (Elizabeth Stone)

Monday, August 31, 2015

Thoughts from a mom the night before school starts

I haven't ever had such a hard time with my kids going to school.  I'm usually super excited and prepared and have no doubt that this will be the best year ever.  I'm just not there this time.  For one, I'm losing my Benson to this thing called Kindergarten.  When did he get old enough for that?  I haven't prepared him nearly enough... I need more time!  He's my silly, sweet boy that is always keeping me on my toes.  He's so curious and full of wonder.  He has these excited, twinkling eyes (with killer eye lashes) and this amazingly brilliant smile that I am going to miss WAY too much.  How am I going to stay entertained with him gone?  Thank heaven it's just for the morning!  I just pray that he gets a good teacher that is able to bridle his spirit and enthusiasm for life without squishing it and killing it. 

My Jaymeson and Saryn are so excited to go.  They have brought such energy and enthusiasm to everything this summer.  The house won't just seem quiet without them, it will be deafeningly quiet.  They are so excited to make new friends, learn new things and conquer the world.  Jaymeson might just want to skip straight ahead to making rocket ships, trailers and a mansion instead.  ;)  He is just purely "good".  Who's going to fight over opening my car door and helping me now?  Saryn is the queen of making friends and making people feel special.  People seem to flock to her.  She has a confidence that I envy and I've seen her build up friends around her numerous times.  She has no problem putting bossy people in their place, and then loving to play with them 3 seconds later.  She is a strong girl with an incredible heart.

Kienna and Kaia haven't been as hard this year, as they have both planning on homeschooling.  Kienna, however, surprised us tonight by not being so sure any more.  We had a long discussion, put it to prayer and we'll see how we feel in the morning.  If I wasn't ready to let go of the others, I have no idea how to prepare for this one overnight.  Kienna is so much fun!  She is constantly trying to sneak up on me.  She likes to play tricks on her Dad - especially when he calls from work.  She has a killer smile and always has something up her sleeve.  She is exremely affectionate and loving - and is gaining more and more confidence daily.  I can't believe how much shes grown over the past few months.  She's turning into a lovely young lady - in every way.

It seems as though it's just me and Kaia staying home with the baby for sure now.  She is a seriously focused, motivated young woman!  Why does she want to home school?  Why, to work on her violin, so she can teach in high school; to get a stronger education so that she can get scholarships; to avoid wasting time with other kids who aren't going to school for academic purposes, etc.  You know, the normal things that 12 year olds think about.  She is incredibly helpful around the house and just wants to learn everything (that's if you can pry a book out of her hands).  She wants to learn how to cook, clean and upkeep a house.  She wants to take care of the baby for me.  She's eager to learn skills like sewing, crocheting etc.  She is wise, mature and tall beyond her years.  She's a wonderful girl who I only have five years at home with left (before she goes off to school for good).  How I'll function that day, I'll never know.

This evening, Lanaya fell asleep in the car between swimming and having a back to school dinner at Tony Roma's. I got to hold her asleep in my arms for quite a few minutes.  Tonight, at bedtime, she crawled up to me on the couch and snuggled with me while I scratched her back.  With her being my last baby, I have learned to stop everything else and just cherish those moments.  I hope to never forget them.  What a wonderful, happy, peaceful feeling that accompanies a baby sleeping on you.  She is such a blessing in our lives.  Everyone in the family worships her and wants her constant attention.  She has the perfect little curls, dimples, eyes and personality that just melts me.  What a change such a small person can make on such a big family.  She's really picked up on walking these past 2 weeks.  She is determined to do it - and who wouldn't be with such a big cheerleading section?   That girl has won all of our hearts.  I suppose I am really lucky to have some more time with this angel. Might have to really focus on that tomorrow - and many days after!

No comments: